If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.
- --Margaret Atwood
Sometimes I feel as if all of my problems could be solved if a day were 48 hours long. I apologize to everyone who reads my blog and has been expecting to see my 3rd day at the main event. This blog is so hard for me to keep up with. Here are a list of my responsibilities. Tell me if you think I'm spread thin.
1. Be a Father
2. Be a Husband
3. Be a Doctor
4. Be a Business Owner /Boss
5. Be the Chief of Staff of a hospital
6. Be the Medical Director of a wound care center
7. Be a Professional Poker Player
8. Be a Blogger
I think I have excelled most in #1, #3 and #7...No, I do not think I am a bad husband, but I wish my wife and I had more personal time. Although I am pretty bad at #8, I unfortunately feel #4 is my biggest weakness.
I have lost a lot of passion for running my business. I have not lost passion for my work...but I had a creative fire when I opened my practice...creating and developing programs, classes and various forms of medically related media. This is my you tube channel. I have a brain full of intense and amazing ideas for my practice, but can not seem to get anything into gear. Outside of focusing on my patients, my kids and poker, I feel frozen in my mental ability to produce creative new plans and material for my business.
I think the reasons are multi-factorial. Poker clearly has taken up a lot of my brain, mainly because I was getting more positive reinforcement, both financially and in some ways socially. The biggest reason however is a not always evident fear of my doing something mediocre. Nick Hornby, an English writer, has a very true quote in regards to writers block. "We can't be as good as we'd want to, so the question then becomes, how do we cope with our own badness?" Many people cope with a distorted view of themselves by fleeing. I see this in weight management all the time. If people do not live up to their expectations, because they have such a strong emotional attachment to their weight, any perceived failure results in pain, often fueled by self deprecating internal dialogue. The ostrich comes out and we bury our head in the sand. The one week becomes a month, becomes a year. Suddenly you have gained 50lbs.
So whats the answer? Well google gave it to me via a wonderful quote from an American poet William Stafford. "Lower your standards and keep writing."
Things are about to change again in my office. It is an inflection point. I have some great ideas...I just need to lower my standards and put something together and stop running from myself. I'm planning on making one interesting move that is worth mentioning. I am going to involve poker into my wellness practice/future plans. Exciting stuff...just need to realize the clay looks dull at first.